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Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
I`d like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
My neighbors wifi isn`t working. Do you think they are aware and are trying to fix it, or should I go let them know?
I`m not fat. My stomach is in 3D
You know you`re all grown up when you actually pick up the ice cube instead of kick it under the fridge.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
At least a stalker is there for you.
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!