Daily Silly Status

I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.

I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!

I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart.

I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.

I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.

Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)

I don`t know why people say life is short....this seems to be taking forever.

I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.

If you people knew how expensive, time consuming and hard this stalking stuff is you wouldn`t freak out every time you see me in your bushes.....geesh

I`m no cactus expert, but I know a pr!ck when I see one

The one thing you can always count on is your fingers.

I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.

Ya know what I really hate about mornings? People start talking to me!

What am I doing with the rest of my life? I don`t even know what I`m doing with the rest of this post...

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life