Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There’s a wild side to EVERY innocent face.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
I’m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
A walk of shame is always sad. Don`t make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.
I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
People who walk while looking at their phones and expect me to get out of the way... LOL.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Depresso; the feeling you get when you`ve run out of coffee.
Peeing in the sink is a great time saver: no lifting the seat, no flush, sink is right there to wash hands jk I don`t wash my hands.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
My horoscope says I will meet the woman of my dreams today. Not sure how my wife will take the news but I`m pretty damn excited.