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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
Never sit down in front of the computer while having breakfast because when you get up it’ll be dinner time.
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
I`d rather spend 5 minutes reorganizing the dishwasher, than spend the 10 seconds it takes to wash the dish that doesn`t fit.
We`re all here because we`re not all there...
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
Why is it when you run into a spider web, you suddenly turn into a ninja?
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
Eating Popcorn: 90% during the trailers. 10% during the movie.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.