Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Put that down you fat piece of sh!t` - the title of the dieting book I`m writing.
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
Convincing my dog I really threw the ball is the closest I’ll ever get to being a magician.
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
The worst part about being alone is I don`t have anyone to get me a beer from the fridge.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
This cold weather makes me half the man I used to be.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.