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To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
In the 1960s, if you said "All my music is in the cloud" it was due to mushrooms; not Apple.
If an officer asks “do you know why I pulled you over?” “Because it’s the only way to get girls to talk to you” is a bad answer, apparently
I havend`t heard from DAEMON MAILER in years, I hope he`s okay.
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
Golf is such a strange game. You shout four, shoot six, and write down five.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow