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I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
I`m 28 years old, but in marriage years, I`m dead on the inside.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
The greatest fear is NOT fear itself. It’s dropping your phone in a port-a-potty!
Never laugh at your wife`s choices. You are one of them :)
I`ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?