Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People assume when I yawn that I`ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
You say Iām not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If Iām not cold, Iām hot. I know Iām hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
Yes, I used to "dance like no one is watching"; at least until Google Earth sent me a certificate for ten free lessons.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.