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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
Today I gave up procrastination for Lent.
To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
If no one comes from the future to stop you, than how bad of a decision can it really be.
The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
Iām taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, that chicken had to be somewhere between 7` to 10` tall.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.