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I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
"Don`t make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.
I make a great second impression.
My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
"Did you know that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?"
One time I exaggerated so hard that I died.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.