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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Doctor: Do you drink alcohol? Me: Why? What`ve you got?
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
What if Oxygen makes our voice really deep…. And Helium just brings it back to normal?
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.