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How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
STEP 1: Sign up for email newsletter STEP 2: Receive email newsletter STEP 3: Delete unread email newsletter for the rest of your life.
Your personality needs alcohol.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my credit card goes through
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Bring me the heads of my enemies!! or some cupcakes ... whichever.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
It`s all sh*ts and giggles till somebody giggles and sh*ts
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
When someone yells stop, I don`t know if it`s in the name of love, it`s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
I`m angrier than a waitress forced to sing happy birthday
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.