Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
Remember, Christmas is over if you sit on a strangers lap now and ask for stuff it`s because you`re a whore.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
The Eskimo´s allegedly have 52 words for snow. I have several words for snow also!