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This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
Zoning out is your brain’s way of saying “You look bored. Let me take you to a better place.”
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
The way my dog acts, you`d think his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
In my defense Your Honor, I thought she had been stung by a jellyfish.
I`m going to stop off at the fabric store before my next status to get some new material!
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
When 12 year old girls call each other honey and sweet heart...