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If you say married people aren’t having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.
Not all girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. I`m made of sarcasm, wine and everything fine.
Don’t worry I won’t tell anyone.. and if I do, I’ll tell them not to tell anyone.
I used to dream about becoming an astronaut. Now I just dream that there`s still time before the alarm goes off.
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
This patience thing takes forever.
You know what I like about people? Their dogs.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.
If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!