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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
Have I posted my Alzheimers joke yet?
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept
have you ever noticed `lol` looks like a drowning person?
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
Wives give sound advice. 99% sound, 1% advice.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel