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I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
FYI: You can buy wedding cake even if there`s no wedding, those suckers don`t even check
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
Beer: The WD40 for conversations.
I bet Eve bit that apple because she knew she was going to get a bunch of clothes out of it.