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When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
I wanted to say thank you to all the people who gave me a reason to drink this Friday night.
This would be a "Good Morning!" status update, but it`s not, because morning sucks.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.
"If your reading this, I think your awesome!"
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!