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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Have you ever wondered about the look on someone`s face if you hide under their bed and grab their foot in the middle of the night? Just something to think about.....goodnight!
Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
These statuses are a lot better if you imagine them being read by Morgan Freeman.