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If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
I have never walked toward the exit of a supermarket without nervously wondering if I`ve stolen something.
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
You are not a "Food Blogger", you`re a "Fat a$$ with a laptop"
snooze button, becuase all I need after 8 hours of sleep, is a nap
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
People always say, "You can`t have your cake and eat it too." I say, "Of course you can. Just make two cakes!"