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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
There was a spider in my bathtub so I got a tissue and very carefully burned the house down.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
I`m just a boy...standing in front of a girl...asking her to lov.....aw who am I trying to fool. I just want in your pants.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
i wonder if fish get thirsty .
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
My own personal hell sounds great, actually