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I will do a lot of things but admitting I`m cold to my wife who told me to bring a warmer jacket isn`t one of them...
!that embarrasing moment when you fake a call then a real one comes...!lol.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Marriage tip: Don`t
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
lf the people in the movies listened to me, they would still be alive.
The guy behind me honked a nanosecond after the light turned green. So I put on my flashers and here I sit, tweeting about the whole thing
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?