Daily Silly Status

If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately

It’s embarrassing that 90% of my Google history is just words I wasn’t sure how to spell, and yes I googled embarrassing.

Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!

People assume when I yawn that I’ve lost interest in what they have to say but truth be told, I was never interested.

You can correct people`s grammar or you can have friends. But you can`t do both.

I`ve been running as fast as I can, but I still can`t catch my breath.

Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.

Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman

My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.

I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..

Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.

There is nothing more terrifying than sneezing while driving.

I always drink responsibility I make sure that someone is responsible for buying me drinks.

So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...

Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.