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Memories of you make me look forward to alzheimers.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
It`s annoying how when you go to the orchestra, there`s always that one wasted dude up front swaying and waving his arms around the whole time
The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
What if , one day you randomly wake up and realize that you`re whole life was just a dream.
Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?
Sorry I missed your call. I was peeing and had both hands full.
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"