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So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
I wish you could order Karma like flowers and have it delivered.
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
All milk is breast milk.
You know what’s worse than slow internet? NOTHING.
I think every Taco Bell value meal should be called a "Number 2".
Definitely never want to own a small fruit stand in an action movie.
I`m great in bed" ~ breakfast
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Kid`s Choice Awards are a great reminder why children aren`t allowed to vote.