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I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
Well kids, texting wasn`t always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You had to click that 7 button FOUR TIMES.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Bored, so Iām going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him Iām him from the future.
Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So Iām off to find a bar with a mirror.
Life is not like a box of chocolates. It`s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow.