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It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
The real reason I`m not a superhero.... Pockets, I need my pockets.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Dear Costumer Service: I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to you?
I wonder if the Ziploc bag company secretly lobbies to keep marijuana illegal.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
How about a ceiling fan with brakes so I don`t have to stand there for 10 seconds wondering if I actually turned it off.
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.