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I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
Maybe my goal was to be a 35 year old loser on the Internet ... You don`t know.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
Ghetto wet floor sign: Caution Bitches Be Trippin
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
These Days everything is really starting to Click!.......My knee`s, my elbows, and the rest of my joints!
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don`t tell people everything you know
I`m sorry. . . I didn`t mean to stare. . . it`s just that I have never seen stupid of this magnitude up close before
Iām going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.