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I may contain scenes of violence, nudity and foul language.
Hair growing from my ears and nostrils doesn`t mean I`m getting old, right? Means I`m turning into a werewolf! Right?
I suffer from paranoid-schizophrenic indifference. I really don`t care what the voices in my head are saying behind my back.
I`m watching a show about surviving in the wild in case I ever decide to log off and go outside.
You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
My son asked me to explain women to him, so I bought him an XBOX game for his Playstation.
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.
I have a condition that renders me unable to go on a diet… I get hungry.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.
My "Kiss me, I`m Irish" shirt only seems to be working on my dog.