Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Just printed out 50 copies of today’s weather forecast to carry around with me today because I’m just not in the mood for small talk.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
You had me at, "we`ll make it look like an accident."
Maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
I wonder if Earth makes fun of the Moon for having no life.
Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only. Come on let`s get this thing done.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
Any of you had a friend that borrowed your sh!t and kept it for so long you had to borrow it back..