Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
I thought the voices in my head actually liked me until I found out they learned sign language just so they could talk sh*t about me.
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
Mondays should start at noon.
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Why isn`t there a reality show called "Security Cams of Walmart?"
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Left the toilet seat up. Wife screaming in 5, 4, 3, 2...
Thanks for posting another selfie. I completely forgot what you looked like 24 hours ago.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.