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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
I`m going to get one of those "My Family" stick figure decals for the back of my car. It`s going to be me, a bottle of whiskey, and a pizza.
Growing up and becoming an adult was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
I don`t "get lost". I find creative ways to get places I didnt know I wanted to go.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
How will you survive a zombie apocalypse if you scream & run when you see a spider?
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Wow, I didn`t know my ex was into orgies until I saw the ad on Craig`s list I just posted.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...