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I hate it when a website greets me with a pop-up window. It just feels like you should say hi first, maybe buy me a drink.
Tomorrow I will live in the moment, unless it`s unpleasant, in which case I will eat a cookie.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
When I go running, I usually meet new people..... like paramedics.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
there is no strong beer, only weak men
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because Iām a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
I`ve finally decided to do something about my weight. Lie.