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Never trust a skinny chef
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
If you want to get me to do something, bribery does work.
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
H&R Block said I won`t get nearly as much back in taxes this year because apparently the neighbors want to claim their own children.
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.
Hey ladies who complain about falling in when we leave the toilet seat up; how about you first check if the runway is there before you bring the plane down.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
On one issue, at least, men and women agree: they both distrust women.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.