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I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
That horrible moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you’re watching…
Those beards make the Red Sox look like they`re going to a Civil War reenactment as Confederates.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.