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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
Insert coin to view my status message.
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
A drunk man walks into a bar...but enough about me...
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
All I want is some ketchup packets placed in the bag, without having to ask!
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
I read somewhere that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?
Gift cards are still the best way to say "I`m too lazy to think of a good gift and I think you`ll buy drugs if I give you cash."
For those of you who know nothing about pleasing a woman... the G spot is located at the end of the word "shopping".....js
I’m pretty good at keeping my sh!t together. Until there’s a bee around.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........