Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m proud of anyone who has quit doing drugs and alcohol, I don`t want to hang out with you now but I`m still proud...
Singing passionately in the shower: Pretty good idea. Dancing passionately in the shower: Not so much.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
Part of being sane is being a little bit crazy.
Heck, I can tell which people are really judgmental just by looking at them.
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
I`m great at balloon animals. You should see my eel, snake, and worm.
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem