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If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
I changed the audio of my GPS to a man`s voice. Now it just says "It`s around here somewhere. Keep driving for a little while."
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
The Internet: An electronic version of, "Now, why did I walk into this room?"
I know you seen me continuously push the "close doors" button while you ran to the elevator. Now it`s just awkward
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
Dont judge a person by the color of their skin or by the content of their character but by the shape of their eyebrows
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
My fridge is so full of beer ... I`m going to have to drink my way back to the food or starve.
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
no one is perfect thats why pencil have eraser
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.