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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Comcast is doing home security now so if your house is being robbed they will get the police there on Tuesday between the hours of 8 & 12.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Calories: the little creatures that go into your closet every night and hem the waistline of all your clothes inch by inch