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Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
If you could have all of Bill Gates` money or world peace, what colour would your Lamborghini be?
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
If you could see what goes on inside my head, you would have nightmares for weeks!
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
Think we could get the North Korean hackers to end "Keeping Up With The Kardashians"?
So apparently I`ve been Googling `Asian Prom` this whole time. I watched like seven videos before I realized they weren`t going to bang.