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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Probably the most exciting feature on the new Iphone is the way it upgrades simple phone theft into full on finger removal.
Forget beauty sleep. I want skinny sleep.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be "doesn`t know how to follow directions."
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it.
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.