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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
woman belong in the kitchen? thats where the knives are you fool.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile.
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
I don’t use Siri because I have to deal with enough women who have no personality and know everything.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
I swear my toddler yells at me in Vietnamese
who`s smart idea wus it to name a monkey Donkey Kong??
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?