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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
Stretch pants are like Wonder Bras for your butt cheeks
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
There`s a sucker born every minute, but swallowers are harder to find.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
Jobs are like relationships. You have them, you cry about it. You don’t have them, you cry about it.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.