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Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
It`s unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
Calling all men...Eboli can live up to two months in semen..YES! You better wash your socks.
I`m not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed jingler.
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She`s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don`t negotiate with terrorists!!
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet