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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Only 3 things can make me run. When someone yells, "Fire", "Free beer" or "The free beer is on fire”
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the heck.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
I now have permanent vision loss due to excessive eye-rolling at stupid idiots.
My screensaver is a screenshot of a bunch of spreadsheets so my boss doesn’t notice when I haven’t moved my mouse in an hour.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.