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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
Nothing shuts my pie hole more than an actual pie.
I look forward to the day that cell phone technology finally catches up with technology in digital watches and they release a model that is water resistant up to 100 meters.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
Why is there a Stairway to heaven and a highway to hell? There is a lot more traffic going to hell
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
It`s frustrating to know, I`ll never experience the exhilaration of getting to meet me.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.