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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
My coworker`s inspire me to drink on the job.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
I wonder if the psycho hitchhiker ever gets picked up by the psycho driver. Now there`s a movie I`d pay to see.
I remember my single days like it was 11 years, 1 month, and 12 days ago.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can`t wait for someone to ask me for it!
Nice try, Henry Winkler, but I’m not inclined to take mortgage advice from a guy who lived above the Cunningham’s garage for like ten years.
If I laugh randomly when you are talking to me, don`t worry, the voices are telling me jokes.
I lifted my hands up in the air and waved them like I just didn`t care.....Ceiling fan: 6 Me: 0