Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There are 2 types of people that annoy me: Drunk people, when I`m sober. Sober people, when I`m drunk.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
Some men get naked when they have to count up to 21...
I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
I`ve been spending so much time on Facebook, that I forgot the internet has porn.
If I live to be 100, I`m gonna make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people. Like, I ate a pine cone, or drank olive oil every single day...
Don’t bother flirting with the girl from accounting, she knows how much money you really make.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night the rice will attract Asians who will fix your phone for you.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Celebrities on drugs, politicians having affairs, aliens living mail boxes....I love standing in the check out line, its better than the library....and it has food.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
Really offended that these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently like I don`t treat every burrito with the utmost respect
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.