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Why is it so hard to find a woman who loves me for me and not the person I lied and manipulated her into thinking I am?
Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
Jerry: Tom, you are a genius!.. Tom: Yeah, I am called that a lot... Jerry: What? Genius?... Tom: No, `Tom`
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
After all these years, I`m beginning to suspect that Waldo doesn`t want to be found.
A magic eraser, but for my bar tab.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...