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Don’t judge me…If you’re reading this then you aren’t working either.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
The thing about smart mother f*ckers is... They sound like crazy mother f*ckers to dumb mother f*ckers!
Life is not like a box of chocolates. Its more like a jar of jalapeños, what you do today can burn your a$$ tomorrow
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
Who cares how I got inside your house. What matters is that we`re together now.
If wookies have a 400 year life span, then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca`s third dog.
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
Your silent treatment should be accompanied by a disappearing act.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.