Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Do people who run know that we’re not food anymore.
condoms prevent minivans
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
If you want to set up a company and run it then that`s your business.
I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
Vaginas are like the weather. When it`s wet, it`s time to go inside.
You`ll notice you never see sweatpants with "Classy" written across the butt.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
I know I am an acquired taste. If you don`t like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go f*ck yourself. Whichever.