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Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
That "No alcohol beyond this point." sign might as well say "I bet you can´t chug that whole beer!"
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
Don`t waste my timeline.
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
I was wondering why my doctor gave me LSD for my constipation, then I saw a dragon and crapped myself.
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg ;)
Anyone knows when is Facebook sending us the W-2 forms
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.