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It`s not so much blowing my diet as preventing the fudgesicles from developing freezer burn.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Dracula had impeccable hair for a guy who couldn’t see himself in a mirror.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
My greatest fear is that PMS is fake and this is my real personality.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
You can always tell a lot about a woman the way she pours gasoline around your car.
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
Does running out of money count as exercise?