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Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
If I was Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, "That`s one small step for man," would have been, "Screw you every girl who ever shot me down!"
Care less and you’ll stress less.
Why is it called cliffhanger and not
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
I am hungry 25 hours a day
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis