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First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
Remember kids- Respect your fathers! Besides, before you came out of your moms, you came out of your dad.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
In space they just call it "Jam"
I`m leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
I wonder how many 5 Hour Energy`s it would take to levitate?
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
I don’t care if we don’t talk, your existence still pisses me off.
Time to clean the house. Good thing I took that delegation class at work and I have 2 kids. This is going to be fun
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
I dunno who decided on the spelling of bologna, but it`s obvious he had no idea how letters work.
Never do anything for money. Unless it’s a lot of money. Then do anything.