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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
My greatest fear is standing on stage in front of millions while my Google search history is read aloud...
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
they say "money cant buy happiness" but money pays for my internet connection and my vodka so im thinking maybe "they" are wrong
What Meatloaf wouldn`t do for love I would probably do for a six pack.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
Mustaches: 1. Like them or not? 2. Should you refuse to go out on a date with someone just because she has one?
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.
Life is just better when you’re laughing.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Dear small line of dirt that wont go in the dustpan… Screw you.