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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
You know that 200-foot high expansion bridge you drove over today? Just remember that it was built by the lowest bidder.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
If you don`t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.