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Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
No one is more confident than a drunk girl wearing a guy’s hat sideways.
I put "extremely organized" on my resume and I don`t even remember what folder I saved it in..
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
Laugh now because when I die, I`m coming back to haunt you.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
You never know how dirty a song`s lyrics are until you hear a child sing them.
I snuck popcorn into the movie theater but they won’t let me use their microwave.
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?