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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Thinking of getting another kitchen table just for all my mail
My favorite iOS7 feature is how it distracts me from the fact that I`m wasting my life poking a glass screen.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
Sometime you have to hand it to short people ... because they can`t reach.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
When I bang my toe against something it`s like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
The sooner one of you ladies takes ‘one for the team’ and becomes my girlfriend, they sooner I leave the REST of you alone!
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"