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My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
Girls here`s how to tell if a guy wants you for sex - 1: He does
It`s funny to watch all these people Bumping Up their own posts.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
I don`t understand when people say `age is just a number`... Age is clearly a word.
People say laughter is the best medicine, but I’d like to think a beer is the way to go.
If I was stuck on a desert island with only one record, I would want it to be the record for being able to swim the farthest.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
My sex life is just like my typing skills. One handed.