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I never make stupid mistakes ... only very clever ones
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
I’m pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
Women forgive and forget but always make sure you don`t forget that they forgave you and forgot about it.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!