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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
Men are like dogs. We’re excited to see you and have no clue what you’re mad about.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
Roman Numerals...what are they good IV?
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider’s home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy…you just hoped nobody found out.
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
Don`t understand how people in depression commercials can be sad with how attractive they are.
Every time I make plans to eat better I can hear my stomach laughing