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Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
Be careful, there is also plenty of mentally unstable fish in the sea.
Scientists have discovered that at least 50 percent of fat people’s BMI is made up of excuses...
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
This donut scented car freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
It`s funny how this guy grating cheese over my pasta thinks I`m going to say stop.
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
Several years ago Facebook came in to our lives forever changing our ability to judge each other from our couches.