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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Let`s lay in bed all day & trade sexual favors for trips to the fridge
I don`t believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door.
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Don’t believe everything you think.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
Why is it called Boob Sweat and not Humiditties?
The first guy who made fire by rubbing two sticks together probably did a lot of other weird sh!t.