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twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
I tend to say “I dont know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Somebody needs to invent a voice-activated refrigerator on wheels.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
Water is so good when it`s mixed with grains and yeast, fermented and then distilled and aged.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village has one.