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My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
There`s 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
This year rather than candy for your valentine why not liquor instead.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.