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You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
When plastic bags become currency, I will be king.
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
I just finished writing an article on "How To Improve Your Memory"- But I forgot where I kept it!!
You know it`s a really good bar when there`s a couple outside breaking up.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
If you recieve something that says,”Send it to all your friends” , then please don`t consider me as your friend.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.