Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
It`s 2014, people. Isn`t it about time we put an end to all this `wake up in the morning and go to work` nonsense?
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
I was told there would be kool-aid.
My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I`m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, I tell people about my accomplishments and they say "big Deal
Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you and your motivational crap is far away
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
Can`t we all just hit a bong?
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
Pro tip: Go the the gym on one of those 1 day free passes, take 365 selfies then post one every day.