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The phrase "don`t take this the wrong way" has zero % success rate
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
Don`t feel bad, alot of people don`t have talent either
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
Most of happiness just comes from staying away from idiots.
I`m going to become a hermit as soon as I find a cave with a decent wifi connection.
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.