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As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
Don’t piss off old people. The older they get, the less ‘life in prison’ is a deterrent.
Nobody notices your pain, your happiness, your sadness, your state of mind. But everyone notices it when you fart in public
I don’t always have time to study, but when I do, I don’t.
My phone dies faster than a black man in a horror film.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.
My neighbor put the box his fridge came in on the curb for trash pickup. Guess who has a new fort!
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…