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They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Messing up a guy’s hair = cute. Messing up a girl’s hair = putting your life on the line.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
times new roman walks into a bar. "sorry, we don`t serve your type."
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
I wish hangovers and orgasms could swap durations.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
So apparently airport security doesn`t like it when you call shotgun before boarding a plane.
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
awesome collection!