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Boobs are a lot like train sets, they were meant for kids, but dad always ends up wanting to play with them.
MISSED CONNECTION: I gave you the Heimlich maneuver on Maine St. You insisted you weren’t choking and put up a good fight.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with pretty daughters do.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
What’s a drunken pirates worst nightmare? A sunken booty with no chest.
Man, just think how crazy Gollum goes on the 5th day of Christmas.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
MARRIAGE TIP: Don`t get fat.
One of these days I’ll realize that leaning forward in my car while accelerating does not make it go any faster.
Sure, I`ll show up at your Halloween Party... I`ll be coming as the invisible man....