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I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
If I`ve learned anything from the Kardashians it`s that I shouldn`t let my complete lack of talent hold me back.
I think I speak for everyone here when I say "I haven`t the slightest idea as to where my life is headed"
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
Who did you vote for?? Clinton ? Trump ? Vodka
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
Do short people start their childhood stories with "when I was little", too?
The Best Excuse given by a Lady for Missing Work ! "My husband took an overdose of Viagra.....Couldn`t leave him alone with the Maid"
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.