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I don’t understand how people have to “get ready for bed”…I’m always ready for bed.
My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
Guy advice #221: Starting a load of laundry in the washing machine and then starting a load in the dryer counts as `2 loads` - just sayin`!
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
If a vegan does crossfit which do they talk about first?
It`s never good when Human Resources sends you an email and the subject line is "Your Facebook Activity".
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...