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I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
It is totAlly unnecessary to put a PM after 23:00.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
Admit it...Life yould be boring without me.
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
FYI: You can`t beat rock-paper-scissors with yourself in the mirror.
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
wants to rock and roll all night
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
Why would a married man buy a hearing aid?
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.