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I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.
Do you want to know Victoria`s Secret? Their lingerie doesn`t look the same on your girlfriend as it does on their models..
i feel naked without my mobile !
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
The wrong time to have a seizure is probably during a Harlem Shake Video.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
I think even hospital gowns cover more than my insurance does...
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Be careful when you`re watching a movie with your wife. You`re gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
A friend suggested I see a therapist but the truth is, I like being f*cked up.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.