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My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
I hope these bad jokes distract you from the fact you`re getting screwed. - Car insurance commercials
Next time you go to the bank and they ask you if you`d like large bills, just look at them dead serious and say "No, normal size ones if you don`t mind."
Missed Connection: You were standing at the RedBox. I was in my car self pleasuring. I accidentally honked like 8 times.
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
If you`re going to have opinions on my life, then I am assuming you will be paying some of the bills.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a big sign of disrespect.
Don’t jump to confusions.
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
Somethings are best unsaid but my brain to mouth filter has never worked right.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
Your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.