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Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
Mosquito (noun) - Mother Nature`s way of getting you to slap yourself.
Is there a way to politely throw breathe mints in someone`s mouth while they`re talking?
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
There`s no b, c, d, f, g, h, j, k, l, n, o, p, q, r, s, u, v, w, x, y, or z in team either.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
Just Failed my Health and Saftey Test.The question was,"What steps would u take,in case of a fire?!"Big f*cking ones"was the wrong answer.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.