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It`s Thanksgiving. Don`t forget to set your scale back 25 lbs
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Friends are like orgasms... nobody wants the fake ones.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
I think it`s safe to take the fax numbers off our business cards, now, everybody.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
First thing I do in the morning: Look at the clock and hope I have more time to sleep.
I read in a book somewhere that we only use 12% of our brains....I wonder what the other half is for?
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.
Handy tip for new parents : Wake up your baby by gently resting your head on a pillow.