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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
It`s hard to make your coffee when you haven`t had your coffee.
Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping SCREW YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
One out of every 4 Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they´re okay, then it´s you.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
life is short play naked
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
I think I’m going to take a hot shower. It’s like a normal shower, but with me in it…
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.