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You guys ever trip out on the fact that Indian people eat Indian food for breakfast?
All the women moaning about finding a husband obviously never had one.
Why do we call it toilet paper? Does anyone wipe their toilet with it?
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I’m “the one,” but isn’t talking to a police officer.
I`m worried that my guardian angel is a crack head.
Just saw Abe Lincoln Vampire Hunter... So that`s how it happened! I knew what I learned in history class was a bunch of crap!
Presidents’ Day is just another made up holiday to sell more presidents
I feel like Frosted Flakes gives kids an unreasonable expectation of how friendly tigers are when you try to feed them a bowl of cereal.
When I was a child I dreamed of being an old west cowboy. When I grew up I realized they didn`t have toilet paper with aloe.
What Flickering Lights Mean: 1% Electrical problems 99% demons and sh!t.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel crossing the street.
I met a guy exactly like my father so I brought him home and my mom shot him.
I don`t fear death... It happens to everyone. I just hope when I am dead and buried, I don`t vote Democrat.