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I don`t ever know where I`m at till I`m there
Last night I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow. When I woke up in the morning, my pillow was gone...
I fell asleep on the couch last night & woke up thinking I was married.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
WARNING!! I have character defects and I`m not afraid to use them.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
When your feeling down, I will be there to feel you up. ;)
So... Where does one obtain minions?
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.